i am fed up with life. i've got a dead child coming, ready to steal my last chance at success, my last chance at freedom. i love a girl that i will never have, that i will never touch. my heart is filled with anger and bitterness. sometimes i wish something would happen to snap me back to my senses, to my former appreciation of life. i used to love life, i loved the fresh smell of dew in the morning, the brisk kiss of the chilly morning wind, the warmth of the sun beating down on my face. now i smell the mold of the dew, the deathly cold of the morning, and the untolerable ehat of the sun burning my skin.
why?
why?
why?
why? why was i given this psyche, i am so easily molded by the people around me. and the people around me do nothing but tear me down, or so it seems. i can't get close to anyone because of her, because of the curse that she has so happily blessed me with.
but you know what? it is almost over. the pain, the torture, the forced love, is almost over. thank god. i am sorry that this child had to die, but i feel that everything happens for a reason. i cannot give up my future for a cluster of cells. sorry, but that does not make any logical sense in my mind. yes, i would love to raise it if i could, but i can not raise it. ugh. it is terrible. i am sorry for what i have done to hurt any one that i have hurt.
i am so sorry, i wish i were a better person
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